i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
