your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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