Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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