Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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