Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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