I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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