Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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