you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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