At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cut my penus on the lid.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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