You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
