just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
