everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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