Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
