So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
