Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
