I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
