my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
