I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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