she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
