in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
