I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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