Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
