I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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