I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
