I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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