btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
