the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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