Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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