It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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