You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
