Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
