I looked at my own cervix.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
