even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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