this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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