grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize