I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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