I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
