Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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