his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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