is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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