I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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