What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
