I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
