i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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