A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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