she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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