i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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