Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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