Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
