Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
