ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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