omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
