they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
