he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize