the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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