the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
