Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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