My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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