wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
