Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
