it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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