Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
