Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
