a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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