He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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