All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
