It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
