OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
