can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
