Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
