who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
