There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
