I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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