Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
