I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
