We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
