dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
