I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
