the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
