Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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