I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
