I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
