If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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