I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
