I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
